steampunk toaster and umbrella stand

The ultimate toaster. Metal pincers stand ready to snatch the toast from the firey slots - obviating the potential of discomforture to the delicate nether regions of the fingers.

The toaster comes equipped with a temperature guage (in Fahrenheit, of course), throttle controls, and working read-outs for both toast-colour and crispiness; and, of course, a functional umbrella stand. (An umbrella is also provided against the all-too present possibility of inclement weather.)

Now if only we could get it to toast the bread properly. Still, you can't have everything. But you can have this wonderful device for only $399.