Saint Noobious - Patron Saint of Noobs and AFKers
No one knows his real name. Nor where he came from. He's quite the man of mystery.
What we do know are tidbits from Pope Primus Rex's autobiography.
"Years ago, when I was visiting a sim and spreading the word to the faithful, my entourage and I came under attack from a large group of griefers. A deadly bling bomb was hurled our way and if it wasn't for the selfless act of courage of one brave soul, who threw himself between the bomb and I, my story would have ended that day. His sacrifice gave me the time I needed to teleport home safely. The sim was restricted by LL and the whole incident buried, along with this anonymous soul. The years flew by, my journeys spanning the grid. As I started documenting my life, for those who would come after me, I recalled that incident. It wasn't right that I had, that LL, that everyone had buried the memory.
I needed to set things right while I could. I dispatched a few trusted aides to sneak into the sim and recover his body, so it could be interned with full honours here at The Vatican. What they found when they arrived defied all reason. That young man, who had given his life so I could go on with my most holy duties, had not only absorbed a more than lethal dose of bling, but had indeed become fosillized bling. His body is no longer flesh, hardened faintly glowing bling is what he is now. never decaying, he had become Uncorrupted. I set about honouring him even further after this news. Canonizing him and laying the work for him to be made a saint."
More years passed and eventually his body was indeed verified for sainthood. He was declared St Noobious and made patron saint of noobs and of those who go AFK. His body was housed in a glass coffin and put on display. The records are incomplete but eventually this relic was lost to all during a move.
Until recently.
In our neverending search for unique merchandise and items to offer you, our customers, our research staff stumbled upon the Coffin of St Noobious in a cave. We've cleaned it up a bit and are proud to say that his saintness still glows softly thru his casement.
We now offer a chance to own this piece of history at a very affordable price. Buy him now before The Vatican finds out we have him.
